Thursday, August 7, 2008

Zoe Lulu: Smart Baby or the Smartest Baby (or a really great scam artist?)

Pediatrician day was this week. Chicken Pox shot. Holy crap in a bucket! No pain, nothing. It was like she didn't even know that she got the shot at all. Just sat there. Amazing what they can do these days........
We learned a couple of things about the midget this week. First off, she is a stimFreak. (I use the term Pain Whore but that's kind of inappropriate for your toddler. However, the doc thought that was hysterical)
She likes stimulation. All kinds. WE should have known by the way she moves from plastic-musical aquarium to the plastic musical aquarium and plays them at the same time. The other day she became infatuated with some clothespin-like plastic chip clips we have. I was making them talk and she was trying to touch the ridged parts of the clamp. So, I thought, well, I'll put this on her finger, she won't like it and that will be the end of that. No way, Hose B. She would laugh, and pull them off, scratching her fingers as she yanked and then DEMAND that I reapply them.
This went on for about 20 minutes until I got bored.
Then Beth had her outside talking to the neighbors and Zoe went up the base of the palm tree, where the teeny splintered bark is, and hugged it. Really rubbed her hands down the tree over and over. Her fingers were bloody and the splinters were embedded in the tips.
No matter, it made her laugh!
When we told the doctor about this he just talked about how Zo really likes stimulation and that we shouldn't be worried. (Speaking of stim....guess who just discovered place? This all makes me very uncomfortable.)
Then I regaled the doctor with the story about Zoe and the combs. While I was parting her hair I gave Zoe the black comb and the pink comb to hold and, hopefully, distract her. Then I asked her: "Which is the pink one, Zoe?"
She raised the pink one and said, "Dere!". She did the same with the black and vice versa. Never got it wrong. But it begs the question: Who told her what Pink was? Or Black for that matter? How did she pick it up????
His response?
To be honest, it makes me a little uneasy to write this because I really really don't want to be one of those, "My kid is gifted!" assholes. I hate people who act like every little thing their kid does makes them a genius. In fact, I feel more inclined to agree with This Stuff White People Like Post every day.
I can't stand the "my kid's gifted" folk almost as much as I hate hate hate helicopter parents. Yo! Your kid's gonna fall. It's okay. It's not the end of the world. The reason they don't have knees yet and their bones are still cartilage is so they CAN fall down and get back up. Trust me. THAT is what builds self esteem, not coddling their every move and hovering over them because you are afraid that they might bump into the air. Sheesh.
Anyway, back to the Doc.
Ugh, here I go:
"I don't often say things like this. I choose my words very carefully but, I have to say, Zoe is, well, she's advanced. She's very smart. Do either of you speak another language?"
No, but her nanny is hispanic.
"Great! From now on the nanny is not allowed to speak anything BUT spanish to Zoe. She will pick it up so fast you will be amazed."

So we told that to Zo's 18 year old nanny. Who started speaking spanish to Zo. Who promptly started to understand at the end of the first day.


Dateline: 2057
Zoe Lulu, daughter of semi-employed actors, named youngest woman to the Supreme Court.

It's either that or Dominatrix, right?

here's a couple pics.


jayfu said...

I have a plan! While I don't want to be one of those, "My kid is gifted!" assholes either, we should raise Zoe and Connor to marry each other. Their children would be a race of Super Beings, the next step in human evolution. And we would be the Masters of it All! hahahahahahahahahhahaha!

(Clap of thunder. Sinister music plays.)

Susan Isaacs said...

Speaking of helicopter parents, my friend Lori saw some kid in thepark with a Special Ed helmet made of pillows. Not because he was handicapped but because his parents thought he was gifted ...

adriana said...


Susan Isaacs said...

OMG totally unrelated. I am in Vegas and just saw Beth in a Capital One spot!!!