Zack Attack: Day 1 of the ICU

I debated with myself whether to write this and then I realized that I had documented Liz's death for the world, Zoe's gestation, the early parts of her life, and the entire in vitro process as podcast .
We also announced Zack's birth on facebook, so it would do him a disservice not to continue the reporting.

I don't believe in "God". I'm an atheist. I believe that when we die, we die and our contribution to the world and the universe and the multiverse is we become part of the soil and feed the planet. I think its too coincidental that just about every creatures' blood is the same color, even fish! There is too much in common with potato bugs and horses and pigeons to dispute that we are all interrelated.
It's for this reason that I was deeply offended when Lizzie was buried in a pink sarcophagus with little or no chance to decompose and become part of the earth. She's alone. In her pink tomb. It made me sad.
I was raised Jewish but I cotton more to the traditions and lifestyle guidance than I do to the dogma. It didn't rain for 40 days and nights and if it did it was just a pretty bad flood. But it didn't cover the Earth. It covered the small patch of land that was the neighborhood that the dwellers of the bible lived in and to them, that was the world. The stories are better suited as parable. They are Aesopian at best.
But, if I did believe in "God" I would seriously wonder just what he has in mind today. Because I'm sort of trapped in a cosmic joke.

At 11:30 AM yesterday, just under 28 hours of life, Zachary stopped breathing. He turned blue. I wasn't there to see it. Beth was and we were fortunate that she was awake to notice. She's on a lot of pain killers and little sleep, the C-Section and all.
To her credit she reacted quickly: She yelled for help. Then she called me and I raced through the streets of Los Angeles from West Adams to West Hollywood. Anyone who has had to deal with the San Vicente/Fairfax intersection knows what a feat it was that I made it, door to door, in 15 minutes.

When I arrived I made a beeline for the nursery. I could see Beth soon, but she was a few doors down and I really needed to check in on my son. There he was, in his lucite bassinet, sleeping behind three nurses who were going about their administrative business.
I breathed a sigh of relief and walked to Beth. She was so upset. I could see it in her eyes. Why shouldn't she be? But I assured her that her son was great. Come on, I implored, come, I'll show you.
I helped her to her feet and she, with great pain, ambled down the hallway to the nursery. As we walked in we approached the plastic crib. There was our son, all right. But he was turning blue. Again.
The nurses sprang in to action, especially the one nicknamed "Milkshake". That's what it says on her scrubs. "Milkshake". Wouldn't it be really great if that was her given name?
Alas, it wasn't.
I explained to her my previous experience with Liz (for Liz's story, please click here) and my understanding of O2 levels and the like. (Of course, in my panic, I misread the machine and thought her oxygen level was 120. And that was ridiculous.)
There's something about Cedars that has actually gotten even better over the past 4 years since Zoe was born there. The bedside manner has become even more helpful. It's now a case of "the customer/patient is ALWAYS right. Always where they need to be. Even if they are in the way." I came to learn that this was actually a dictum handed down from on high. Customer service and positive experience is the mantra of Cedars Sinai. Amazing. Liz would have loved this hospital.
The doctors determined that Zack needed to go up to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). I went with him. I've been down this road before. Liz had been in hospital something like 45 times and I think I only missed a handful of those visits.

I held Zack's hand as they stuck him to draw blood. I held him as they put in the IV stick.

No one could figure out what was happening, why this newborn had decided to stop breathing 3 times in 3 hours (it happened again while in the NICU), dropping his O2 to as low as 65 and turning blue.
Was it an infection? Was it neurological? What was the problem?

The doctor spoke with me for a bit and assured me that this is something they see in a great many newborns and 50% of the time it disappears without warning. 25% of the time it's infection. 25% of the time it's something else. He wasn't worried about it being fatal. Zack is healthy is every other way. He just...has some issues.

And that was yesterday. They put him on a CPAP mask which is blowing oxygen into his lungs about 20 times a minute. And they would monitor him all night. In the meantime I took a call from his pediatrician.

Zack and Zoe's ped is the best in town. We adore this guy. But in his effort to be thorough he did tell me that one of the tests they would run would determine the level of risk Zack would have for "crib death". Good that we can test for that, I guess. But, take a neurotic guy and tell him that and, well, that's all he's gonna hear.

See, while they see this type of thing a lot, my only experience that I can call on is being bedside by my daughter as she coded, turned blue and died. That's my "go-to". That's my frame of reference. Add SIDS to the affair and, let's just say, if there is a God, he's got one hell of a sense of humor.

Actually, that's ridiculous. Because it would paint him as just over the edge from Heath Ledger's Joker.

But, I can't help thinking that, actuarially speaking, this shouldn't be happening, right? I mean, once you bury one child, that's sort of it, short of sending them to war.

Right?

So we wait. He will be fine in the NICU. Hopefully they can figure out what this is. They were hoping to take him off the CPAP this morning and see how he fared, but before they could Zack did it again and went all blue. Just for 20 seconds but it was enough to put him on 48 hour watch before they take off the assistance.

So, that's where we stand. I'm home with my daughter, who is oblivious and just wants to know when her mother and brother are coming home. Beth is with her sister at the hospital. I'm thinking a LOT about Liz. I'm worried about my son. I'm drinking a nice glass of lowland scotch.

And, for some reason, I keep thinking about Job. Or is it Gob?

Zoe has a brother!

For anyone not on facebook or out of the loop today:

Zoe at the Marionette Theater

I know I said I won't be posting here but wtf. Here ya go. Some vid of your favorite twerp having a blast on her birthday.

Zoe's Birthday!

New Pix! Where are they?

Here on Facebook. Come check em out.

New Video!

But it't not here!
Beth already posted it on Facebook. Which you should join.
And I've posted it on my personal blog. Click Here.

Stop by. And leave a comment. I'm trying to figure all that out.

Ciao!

Zoe rides a pony!

But you can't see it here.
I'm considering moving the blog to my personal site.
www.allenlulu.com
At the top you will see a link called "A Lulu's Blog". Click on there and you can see whatever articles I publish. The best way to stay abreast is to set up some feed. There is an RSS subscription button to the right but I'm not sure how that works. I use Google Reader. There are tons of other RSS readers. Most people add them to their mail clients.
If you have a problem with doing that, let me know.
In the meantime. See you there.
Here is the direct link.

Zoe wins a dino!

A quick vid that Beth captured the other day at the Santa Monica pier.

Some new pics

Our friend, Autumn, is a photographer and wanted to emulate some pictures she had seen in a magazine for her portfolio.
She asked Beth id she and Zoe would mind being the guinea pigs.
Here are those shots.
Just beautiful.

Octagon!

I know, 2 videos in 2 days.
New toys, you know?

Beth got a Flip.

Beth got a flip to grab video of Zoe on the fly.
So, Zoe spent the morning practicing for her American Idol auditions.

Beth's Birthday!

Yesterday was Beth's birthday so we took advantage of Disney's "Free on your birthday" special and took Zoe, who is also still free, since she's under 3.
Holy crow. She was a trooper. Only took a little rest in the afternoon for about 45 mins and had her only meltdown wayyyy after her bedtime.
She approached every character she could on the streets, talked them up, hugged them, it was a blast. Thank goodness she's cute because she kept cutting in front of people but they didn't care because she's so adorable.
Haunted Mansion wasn't scary, nor was Jungle Cruise but the new Nemo submarine underwater tour (which is really neat, go Pixar!) had her clutching Beth for dear life.
Some of the smaller rides rendered her quizzical at best, like Mr. Toad, Pinocchio, etc. Dumbo she loved, but nothing was as exciting to her as the "Merry-Go-Around"! Which she had to ride more than once.
It's a great time of year to hit Disneyland as, by 5 O'Clock the wait time for Pirates of the Caribbean was 5 minutes. And Haunted Mansion was 2.
She tried to hide on Pirates, but, eventually, with coaxing, she realized it wasn't terrifying. Just noisy.
"I'm not SCARY!" She would say after a particularly terrifying ride.
Or.
"That wasn't scary for me!" even though it was.
She did great.
And we all had a blast.
Happy Birthday Beth!




Ice Cream Cookie Sandwich as a treat for being such a great girl.




Mickey and child.



Zoe and the birthday girl on the "Merry Go Around!"



Zoe and Chip. Or was it Dale?



A new Disney Veteran.

What's Zoe going out as on Hallowe'en?

Duh.
I mean, Dora! (Her idol)

The importance of Rocking Out.

It's been a long time.
I could go on and on about how there's been no change and things are just same old same old, but it wouldn't be true.
The truth is (and I don't say this to engender any sympathy or commentary, it just is what it is) that I was taken to task by a family member for posting so much through electronic media about Zoe.
I never felt that this person was right in the assessment and I always felt like, hey, you don't like it? Don't subscribe, don't read it. But that wasn't necessarily possible for that person and I found myself becoming very tentative in regards to shouting to the rafters about how great my kid is.

But, you know what?

Fuck that.

I'm more and more impressed by this kid every day. And there is NOTHING as great as walking in through the front door and catching Zoe's eye and watching her face light up, smile and yell, "Daddy!". It's awesome.

I never really had that with Liz. I've entered new territory. It's all new now. I'll explain.

When my ex and I split up and what will from herein be referred to as The Bad Time began Liz was just about 2 and half. She was still a little older than Zo is now. But there was a major difference.
Liz spent so much of that time in the hospital that there was no "normal" for me. I didn't know what it was like to spend time with a child that was going through all the cool stuff that happens when they are in their 2's.
I'm not going to dwell on what Liz couldn't do or didn't do. Suffice to say that this is just...different.
And yet, weirdly, the same.
When Liz was about 2 she fell in love, hard, for Green Day's "Dookie" album. She would dance like a hummingbird whenever "Basket case" would come on. When I bought the CD she couldn't get enough. She learned how to turn on the cd player. She would point to her ears when Billie Joe would sing, "Scream at Me until my ears Bleed".
It was adorable. She was a rocker through and through. When that edgy rock was taken from her she got pretty sad and depressed. After a while we brought some rock back to her life and she became a pretty cool, tweeny emo rock chick. (She had place in her heart for Bowling for Soup AND Dresden Dolls). We really got to bond over my favorite thing: music.
Because of her adoration for Green Day I've always associated Green Day with Liz. She adored Dookie but used to sing along to Warning and, especially, American Idiot.
When she died so did my ability to listen to one of my favorite groups.

So, here we are, 2007. Zoe is 2.5 years old. And I've been wondering a LOT what music Zoe will lean toward. It goes without saying that there is a lot of music in this house and, hell yes, I'm biased. I like the rock. I like it loud. I like it edgy.
Zoe has been tasting a LOT of music over the past few months but one album seems to have garnered her attention.
She is in love with the NEW Green Day album. She begs for the song "Viva La Gloria!" in the car. "Gloria!" she yells. And then she sings ALONG WITH THE SONG.
When she wants to hear it she says, "Daddy, do you want to rock out?" and that means Green Day.
She always wants me to play "Know Your Enemy" on Rock Band. "Eh-Nuh-Mee!"

She's made it okay to listen to them again.

Beth and I went to see Green Day last week at the Forum. The concert was the last of the American leg of the tour and they played all night.
Three solid hours.
Audience members were brought on stage to stage dive. To play the band's instruments. To sing the lyrics to famous songs.
T-shirts were shot into the air.
Flames and explosions abounded.
Billie Joe ended the 45 minute encore with a three sing acoustic set.
It was sublime.
Liz would have loved it.
But I guess I get to bring Zoe in a few years.
You never know how your kids will change your lives.

Quotable Zoe

August 16th, 2009.




"Mommy! That's where the french fries live!"

Off to Asheville.

It's been a long summer for the Lulus and it just seems like it's gonna keep going.
Three weekends ago Adriana and Dave treated us to extra tickets to a Dodger game. I barely saw any of it, chasing the great Ziggy Zag around the stadium. She insisted on running, at break neck speed through the concourse.
Two weekends ago we drove the entire kit up to Sonoma in the new van. Thank god for DVD players and satellite radio. The purpose was to visit Gloria so she could see Zoe. She hasn't been feeling well and the thought was maybe Zig Zag could cheer her up.
While we were there we stayed with Beth's family in wine country and Zoe got to see the 4th of July parade.
Then last weekend was Kristen's baby shower which Beth was in charge of running with some other friends. It went brilliantly BUT that meant Dad and Zo were together non-stop. We hit the dog park, Target, lunch, Rock Band and a host of more stuff. Zoe was exhausted by the end BUT to make matters worse, now she doesn't want to go to school anymore. Who would after concentrated attention like that?
Now, we're off on a cross country adventure. Visiting the Benninghofens in Asheville with some time in Gatlinburg with the Breadons. Gonna be great but high octane and go go go.
I'll let you all know how it goes.

Zoe on the new CamApp

Hi, gang.
Sorry, not too much to report. Well, there is but I am loathe to sit down and write all about Zoe's new pre-school.
I really should, though. They dig her there.
In the meantime, Beth's phone got a new update which included a video camera application. So I took some video and sent it to myself and uploaded it all for you.

From the set

Zoe shot her first commercial today. They had three other kids that they shot for the same bit and I just don't think that Zozo made the cut. (I don't think she was the first choice, is what I mean). But, she had a blast. Made us proud.


This is Beth and Zoe near the process trailer (the vehicle that carries the car that Zoe was in). Zoe loved the process vehicle. And she loves her mom. This might be the best picture I have ever taken.



Here's the process vehicle.




Zoe was a trooper in makeup and wardrobe. (The wardrobe lady was a C**t that seemed to hate both children and her job).


Here's the little TV star with her mom.



Beth got a shot of the playback of Zoe in the car.


Needless to say. I was pretty effing proud.

Zoe Lulu. Working Actress.

Zoe at the first call for State Farm.

For those of you who don't follow our doings on Facebook here's the skinny:
I got a call last week that Zoe had an audition for State Farm Insurance. I took her to the session and actually, for the first time, got to see what my daughter is like "in the room". She's a pro. Doesn't need me anywhere to charm the casting director.
All she had to do was sit in a chair, eat grapes and be cute.
Oh, boy was she.
So, sure enough she got a callback.
I met up with Beth at the casting office to find my daughter goofily running from man to man asking them to pick her up and let her read to them. She was charming everyone in the place.
I went in with her, but it could have been Beth or no one. Zoe is super independent and hyper cute.
It wasn't such a surprise when we got the call that Zoe was on "avail", in other words, a top choice for the spot. And I confirmed with her agent that, when they are casting little children like this, they always cast more than one because you can't be sure how a child is going to behave on the day. They have limited time with the kid because of labor laws and if they don't get the shot, they have a better chance with another kid.
They cast 4 for this commercial.
Zoe was one of them.
My daughter, on her 5th audition, just became a working actress.
I couldn't be more effing proud of her.
She's gonna have a blast. And make a little coin for her future.
Zoe Mina. Actress.
And so it begins.

An early farewell.

A little over a year ago I was tearing my hair out.
Beth was knee deep in studying and, for all intents and purposes, I had become a defacto nanny-dad. Now, this is fine, I'm not complaining, except that it was killing me. ;)
I love Zoe. But I also love going to the gym, auditioning, having coffee, lunch with friends...it's been 20 years of establishing a lifestyle like mine and to turn it into, well, daddy-sitting was making me nuts.
All of this doesn't really make me sound so great, does it? Oh, well. This is what I get for being honest.
I adore Zoe. And I adore sanity. Call me selfish.
Anyways, after complaining (again!!) to my brother, he had the wisdom to convince me to hire a babysitter.
It was a daunting task, to say the least. We didn't want to put Zoe in day care. THAT seemed extreme. So, we needed to find someone.
As per Jonathan's advice, I took an ad in Craigslist.
In an hour I had a response.
We didn't need to talk to anyone else.
We hired Michelle that week and, because of her I am sure, Zoe started walking on her 1st birthday. She encouraged reading and the importance of simple play.
In a word, she was excellent.
Was.
We've decided that it's time for Zoe to get some socialization. She needs to be around other kids. And she also needs some slightly standardized education. Something formalized. Otherwise she will spend her days demanding to watch Wonder Pets all the time.
So, we're looking at pre-pre-Ks. We've found two that we are interested in. Basically, the cost is the same.
But, it is the end of an era.
So, in the next two weeks or so, we say farewell to Michelle. Zoe's first teacher that wasn't her parents. Her first best friend. Her first babysitter.


Thanks, Michelle.

3 pics

We're two years in now.
I think some of the energy to post here got knocked out of me. After all, 2 is HARD.

Here's some pictures and I implore you to come to Facebook where I post pics a little more regularly.